I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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