4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
