So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
