Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
