We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
