I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
