There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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