We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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