I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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