I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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