i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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