If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
