this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
