I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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