So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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