if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This baby is an asshole
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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