PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
