I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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