I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
