4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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