Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
