WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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