Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
