I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
