Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
