why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
