Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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