My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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