You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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