I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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