i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
