I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
