I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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