Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
