i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dick very happy bro
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
