Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
