I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
