i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
