i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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