As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
