She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
