I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
