Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
