you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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