wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
