He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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