I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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