have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
