i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
