I wish I could teleport
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
