The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
