i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
