do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
